Born on a Rotten Day -- Leo

If You Love One: Leo Man

A Leo male is warm hearted, generous, and dignified. He's a genuine romantic you won't have to tempt twice to go for a moonlit stroll or to your favorite hideaway for the weekend. The Lion seeks a mate who is stable, family oriented, and intelligent. His family adores him, he keeps his friends laughing, and he's always the center of attention. In the office. In jail. At the beach. He's the center of attention. Always.

His favorite game is Commander-in-Chief. A Leo will snap off orders with the crispness of a general ordering his troops and expect you to move at double time to wait on him hand and foot. He demands to be rewarded for coming home in the evening and demands your respect, whether he deserves it or not. Should he remember your birthday, nothing but a blatant display of fawning will satisfy his ego.

He rarely loses his temper as long as you call him "master" while bowing in respect. Challenge his authority, and he will roar, kick the sofa, and issue a couple of ultimatums designed to strike fear in your heart. As soon as the scene is over, everything is forgotten. Be stupid enough to deliberately wound a Lion's pride, or worse, attack his dignity, and you'll soon feel like a pound of ground round being sized up for dinner.

If he's a quiet Lion, he'll be a benevolent dictator who wants you to hover over him constantly. He'll want you to rub his aching shoulders and tell him how fit, strong, and wonderful he is, no matter what his age or physical condition. He, on the other hand, will not hesitate to tell you that your hair is a mess, your ass is too big, and that you have the intelligence of a gnat. When you burst into tears, he will be genuinely shocked because, in his mind, he was only trying to give you the benefit of his wise counsel.

Study the character of Professor Henry Higgins in Leo George Bernard Shaw's play Pygmalion if you want an object lesson in the character of a male Lion. After berating, humiliating, and lecturing Eliza Doolittle, he refuses to praise her efforts and instead, takes credit for her success. In typical Leonine befuddlement, Higgins runs shouting for his mother when the girl finally tells him to get lost. Eliza had to be a Capricorn.

In a playful mood, the Lion may act like a clown, but there's nothing easygoing about his nature. Tell him he's being silly, and his mood will change faster than a Cancer under the full moon. Leo wants an audience, not a critic.

He's cocky. At his worst, he's a combination of Felix the Cat and Napoleon on steroids. He'll wear dark glasses at night and make passes at anything that walks, crawls, or slithers. He'll spend money faster than you can earn it. And by the time he's forty, will resemble an aging teenage hoodlum with his beer gut hanging over his too-tight Levi's.

He will drive a monster pickup that you have to use a ladder to climb into. When he skids into your driveway after knocking over the mailbox, he'll lean on the horn until you appear, then kick the passenger door open with one of his four-hundred-dollar steel-toed boots. Ever the gallant, when he notices he can't see your eyes over the running board, he'll jump out to assist you, and gleefully chant, "Gropin' and Hopin'," while standing behind you.

His vanity knows no bounds. He'll have a tattoo on his butt and not hesitate to drop his drawers at the poolroom to show it off. He, of course, thinks he's the world's greatest lover, which he announces to anyone within a ten-decibel range. However, there's really very little to be said. Two words do come to mind - frequent and enthusiastic. His definition of foreplay is "Get in the truck."

Everything about a male Lion is exaggerated. Leo Diamond Jim Brady not only had a huge appetite fro food but for lavish excess as well. True to his Leonine nature, Diamond Jim was the most flamboyant character of his time. The owner of his favorite restaurant called Brady his "best twenty-five customers." Brady regularly tipped one hundred dollar bills for two-dollar taxi rides, and his famous collection of thirty complete sets of jewelry was estimated at the time in excess of one million dollars. Diamond Jim was just as extravagant in love. He had a dozen gold plated bicycles made so he and long-time girlfriend Lillian Russell could cruise Central Park in style. Her favorite bike had handlebars covered with mother-of-pearl and spokes decorated with rubies and sapphires. In true Leo style, Diamond Jim was both vulgar and magnificent.

Whether yours is a stuffy, overbearing egotist or a wild and woolly jungle cat, the key to taming a Lion is knowing how to react. Next time he's snarling, lecturing, and posturing in the kitchen because dinner is five minutes late, ignore the fit, smile, and tell him how nice it was of him to fix the neighbor's lawn mower yesterday. He'll start to bluster, puff out his chest, and forget all about chastising you. Then he'll agree it was nice of him. It was damn fine, as a matter of fact. And, during dinner, he'll regale you with the tale of his virtuous deed. It's that attention thing.

If You Love One: Leo Woman

She's loyal, steadfast, and true. Her animal magnetism is tangible whether she's wearing blue jeans or a business suit. The Leo woman seeks a mate who is attentive, romantic, and hard-working. She's sentimental, fun loving, and her view of life is refreshingly simple. "All ways here are the queen's ways." This line from Alice's Adventures in Wonderland describes with near perfection, Leo woman's personality. Remember this and chances are you two will get along fine. If you refuse to acknowledge her omnipresence, remember this warning. No matter how quiet or charming your Lioness appears on the surface, her metaphorical claws are just as sharp as her four-legged sister roaming the plains of Africa.

She's more hussy than Highness. This woman carves just as many notches on her headboard as her male counterpart does, and is the one woman in the Universe who writes her own phone number on the locker-room wall. She loves the mirror as much as Libra does and lives for luxury, as does Capricorn. The difference is, her mirrors are gilt-edged and line her bedroom walls. Whereas a lady Goat will dress expensively but understated, the Lioness prefers an Aries Bob Mackie knockoff she got on sale. Her motto is, "If you've got it, flaunt it. If you don't, fake it."

This is also true in the bedroom. She may play the sex kitten, but a Leo woman is more interested in power than porno. If you are good-looking, have money to burn, are a power player, or can introduce her to someone who is, she'll drape herself over your bed or the backseat of your Lincoln just long enough to test whether you know the difference between a Radiant-cut and a Princess-cut. If you jokingly say "Hairstyle," expect a look that could melt sand into glass. If you're serious, you're probably an Aquarius. In love, she expects weekly flowers, daily phone calls, and a romantic getaway at least once a month. Unless you are rich, you'd better start applying for a low-interest second mortgage if you don't want to lose her to a Capricorn in Gucci loafers. She'll probably work, but will spend her salary on day spas, makeovers, and the latest fad diet.

The female Lion appreciates humor. Hers. She laughs at her own jokes and when at full throttle, can be as loud as Leo Lucille Ball. Except you won't be able to turn down her sound and she won't shut up until she's ready. Those blase wisecracks she dispenses at dinner seem natural and off-the-cuff. Actually, she spent three hours on the internet sorting spam this afternoon.

Leo Mae West is a classic example of the archetypical female Lion. West's outrageous style and nonstop sexual innuendo were her trademarks. Only a Leo would have the brass to write, produce, and star in a play called Sex in 1925. She became notorious for one-liners such as, "I'm a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it," and "When I'm good, I'm very good, but when I'm bad, I'm better!" She was smart, sly, and way ahead of her time.

True to her over-the-top Leonine character, West pushed her luck too long and too hard. At eighty-five she still wore her hair cascading over her shoulders although it looked more like a damp mop than a silky mane. Her makeup was garish and she propped herself up on the arms of sweating body-builders young enough to be her grandkids. West had become a caricature. The hooker with a heart of gold turned into a hag who refused to relinquish the spotlight.

Yours won't be quite as vain, but will demand lots of attention. Whether she's quiet and regal, or slinky and untamed, a Leo woman is as high-maintenance as they come.

If You Are One, Born Rotten

Anywhere you go, you command attention. That's because you are usually carrying a gun. You vie with Aries for the Most Obnoxious Human award and pick arguments in sports bars just to show everyone who's boss.

You are first to aid friends and family in times of need and just as quick to announce to the world how good hearted you were to offer assistance. You assume control of every situation where more than one person is gathered. In an elevator you position yourself next to the door and push the floor buttons. At the grocery store you instruct the bag boy how to pack the sack.

Your idea of a good career is any profession in which your title is longer than your business card. Leo is the sign of the grade-school teacher, TV wrestler,   karaoke champ, and floating crap game organizer. Lions also make good hair stylists, actors, and conga line leaders.

You don't do solitude. Instead, you head for the nearest party, arriving fashionably late so you can sweep into the room offering your fingertips and air kisses to your loyal fans as you head to the center of the action. Your nature is so theatrical that you can't bear the thought of being just one of the crowd and you will stand on your head, or someone else's back, to grab the spotlight.

Your home is your castle, where you rule by intimidation. You spend your evenings scolding your family, yelling at the dog, and hanging up on your mother. Your temper is like a solar flare. It flashes out, singeing the ears of the hapless person who dared to disagree, then dissipates just as quickly. Because you have selective memory, you think you are calm, cool, and collected and will beat the hell out of anyone who disagrees.

In romance you have all the finesse of a sailor returning from a twelve-month cruise. You'll go home with anyone who offers to buy you a six-dollar beer and tells you that you have great hair. The next day, you bore your friends with tales of sexual conquest that everyone knows are lies. What you don't know is that, secretly, everyone hopes you get eaten by a crocodile.

Your checking account serves as a clearinghouse between your paycheck and creditors, and you've filed for bankruptcy so often you're banned from using credit cards until 2052. Your favorite game is Follow the Leader, with you at the head of the group. But, instead of Captain Courageous, you are more like the captain of the Titanic. You never know where you are going and invariably lead everyone to disaster.

In real life, John Wayne was a Gemini. However, every role he ever played was pure Leo. Always strong, sometimes arrogant, his characters always knew just what they wanted and just how to get it. So do you.

You are lively, sincere, and elegant. Your independent nature is most contented when you are fighting for a cause, or an underdog. However, since your vices can be as large as your virtues, you need to learn to redirect some of your powerful energy. Give your attention to others versus calling it to yourself. Focus on taking time to understand more and criticize less, and not a sign in the zodiac will be able to resist you. In the meantime, anyone who wants to wrestle with a Lion will soon find out that you are still King of the Jungle.

Yours is the philosophy of "Work hard, play hard." You believe in living life to the fullest and see no reason to let anyone tell you differently. You are totally independent and have the serendipitous fortune of often being in the right place at the right time. Let the rest of the world clip coupons and save for a rainy day.