Born on a Rotten Day -- Libra

If You Love One: Libra Man

He's funny, charismatic, and oozes charm. His sense of style is impeccable and his lively, friendly personality puts him at the top of everyone's A-list. A Libra male is an idealistic dreamer who believes in world peace and fair play. He will take you to the most expensive restaurant in town, declare his adoration in front of smiling patrons, and drop to one knee to propose. Before you exclaim, "Yes, my darling," make sure he's still looking at you. By the time he's slipped the engagement ring on your finger, he will have spotted his next conquest walking toward the bar.

A Libra man is perfectly capable of marrying you on Saturday and starting his next string of affairs on Sunday. He's fickle, inconsistent, and constantly on the prowl. Never mind Aries or Gemini. When it comes to love, the male Libra is as flaky as a used car salesman sniffing out his next sucker deal.

He's shallow. You may start thinking of a future together after a couple of rounds of his polished sexual prowess. However, to him, future is defined as until tomorrow morning, when he'll most likely forget your name before he finishes flossing his dazzling white teeth.

He's superficial. A Libra man prefers beauty to substance and expects to be blindsided by the emotion of perfect love. Oh, you'll hear bells ring, but after the honeymoon, those harmonious chimes quickly turn to death knells. He doesn't want a real woman who will jar him out of his escapist daydreaming into a world of house payments and crying children. He wants a Barbie doll to cook, clean, and entertain his endless procession of casual friends.

He's not into anger. Pick a fight with him, and you'll get a half-hearted argument. Usually, he will verbally dodge, sidestep, and try to distract you from the original issue with all the nimbleness of a Capricorn skipping out on his alimony payments. Contrary to venting his anger, he will drive you to vent yours.

At best, he's an indecisive bumbler who's so easily distracted that he'll get sidetracked into spending the day at the races with a friend he met in the supermarket while you and the kids wait for dinner. Or he'll come home empty-handed from the paint store because he couldn't decide which shade of green to by for the hothouse.

At worst, he's the king of the lounge lizards. The seventies should be renamed the Decade of Libra Man. Wizened Lotharios from this era still have their blue polyester leisure suits, gold chains, pinkie rings, and an original bottle of Hai Karate. The modern versions wear leather vests over bare chests and strut like peacocks down the middle of the dance floor during the band's break, hoping every eye is turned in their direction.

He's a master of double-speak. Think of Libra Oliver North's statement, "I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version." Ollie is the Libra poster child. The only thing this guy will spend hours rationalizing is his bad behavior.

He's also self-obsessed. Libra Timothy Leary used all of his formidable intelligence and personal magnetism to force the world to agree that his endless quest for a bigger high was actually the key to brave new worlds. When faced with the inevitable opposition, Leary reacted in typical Libra fashion. He devised an entire thought system to detract from his self-indulgence. In his mind, the rest of the world made a terrible error in judgment by not embracing his philosophy. And that issue was more important to his Libra soul than proving that the path to God was sprinkled with LSD and magic mushrooms.

Mr. Scaly has a give-and-take nature. You give. He takes. He will expect you to flatter his ego, coo as he preens, and help him pick the tie that best matches his eyes as he prepares for a night out with his friends. You, on the other hand, must never depress him with tedious details such as an overdrawn bank account or a leaky roof. Whether his dimpled good looks outweigh his self-serving ego is your decision.

If You Love One: Libra Man

He's funny, charismatic, and oozes charm. His sense of style is impeccable and his lively, friendly personality puts him at the top of everyone's A-list. A Libra male is an idealistic dreamer who believes in world peace and fair play. He will take you to the most expensive restaurant in town, declare his adoration in front of smiling patrons, and drop to one knee to propose. Before you exclaim, "Yes, my darling," make sure he's still looking at you. By the time he's slipped the engagement ring on your finger, he will have spotted his next conquest walking toward the bar.

A Libra man is perfectly capable of marrying you on Saturday and starting his next string of affairs on Sunday. He's fickle, inconsistent, and constantly on the prowl. Never mind Aries or Gemini. When it comes to love, the male Libra is as flaky as a used car salesman sniffing out his next sucker deal.

He's shallow. You may start thinking of a future together after a couple of rounds of his polished sexual prowess. However, to him, future is defined as until tomorrow morning, when he'll most likely forget your name before he finishes flossing his dazzling white teeth.

He's superficial. A Libra man prefers beauty to substance and expects to be blindsided by the emotion of perfect love. Oh, you'll hear bells ring, but after the honeymoon, those harmonious chimes quickly turn to death knells. He doesn't want a real woman who will jar him out of his escapist daydreaming into a world of house payments and crying children. He wants a Barbie doll to cook, clean, and entertain his endless procession of casual friends.

He's not into anger. Pick a fight with him, and you'll get a half-hearted argument. Usually, he will verbally dodge, sidestep, and try to distract you from the original issue with all the nimbleness of a Capricorn skipping out on his alimony payments. Contrary to venting his anger, he will drive you to vent yours.

At best, he's an indecisive bumbler who's so easily distracted that he'll get sidetracked into spending the day at the races with a friend he met in the supermarket while you and the kids wait for dinner. Or he'll come home empty-handed from the paint store because he couldn't decide which shade of green to by for the hothouse.

At worst, he's the king of the lounge lizards. The seventies should be renamed the Decade of Libra Man. Wizened Lotharios from this era still have their blue polyester leisure suits, gold chains, pinkie rings, and an original bottle of Hai Karate. The modern versions wear leather vests over bare chests and strut like peacocks down the middle of the dance floor during the band's break, hoping every eye is turned in their direction.

He's a master of double-speak. Think of Libra Oliver North's statement, "I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version." Ollie is the Libra poster child. The only thing this guy will spend hours rationalizing is his bad behavior.

He's also self-obsessed. Libra Timothy Leary used all of his formidable intelligence and personal magnetism to force the world to agree that his endless quest for a bigger high was actually the key to brave new worlds. When faced with the inevitable opposition, Leary reacted in typical Libra fashion. He devised an entire thought system to detract from his self-indulgence. In his mind, the rest of the world made a terrible error in judgment by not embracing his philosophy. And that issue was more important to his Libra soul than proving that the path to God was sprinkled with LSD and magic mushrooms.

Mr. Scaly has a give-and-take nature. You give. He takes. He will expect you to flatter his ego, coo as he preens, and help him pick the tie that best matches his eyes as he prepares for a night out with his friends. You, on the other hand, must never depress him with tedious details such as an overdrawn bank account or a leaky roof. Whether his dimpled good looks outweigh his self-serving ego is your decision.

If You Are One, Born Rotten

Your sole purpose in life is to be right all the time, and you constantly change your mind in order to ensure that fact. You have strong opinions that you always change in the face of disapproval. Since you never act on any of your endless declarations, your friends and family quickly learn that your advice is worthless and ignore it, and you.

Your much-touted intellect is merely an inborn talent for knowing fifty ways to say "On the other hand." This endless hemming and hawing is actually an avoidance mechanism designed to protect you from choosing sides or taking action. Libras flee from decision-making faster than a Sagittarius from a commitment ceremony.

You hate vulgar shouting matches and sordid emotional scenes, unless you are the one losing control. Even when angry, you can't act decisively. You deliberate over all the actions you could take and wonder whether you should ignore the incident or go postal. By the time you decide, the person you are mad at has forgotten you exist and moved to Bolivia.

You are the most social sign in the zodiac and use any excuse to party. That's because without an audience, you bore yourself to sleep. You can, however, intuitively sense when someone needs help. This is extremely convenient considering it gives you plenty of time to rush home and take the phone off the hook to avoid getting involved.

You are as dedicated a social climber as either Aries or Capricorn; however, you have neither Aries' honesty nor Cappy's class. But since you haven't the faintest glimmer of self-awareness, you quite cheerfully assume that no one thinks your sudden interest in an eighty-five-year-old Lotto winner is odd.

You are a font of useless minutiae, forever analyzing your problems, like a cow chomping its cud. You treat the people you love like projects and take perverse pleasure in pointing out their faults, then get offended when they tell you to piss off. You play the If Only game. "You have such beautiful eyes. If only you'd lose some weight, we might be able to see them." "You are so kind-hearted. If only you had the common sense to match." And you are so shallow that your feelings get hurt if someone skips your party to check into the hospital for emergency surgery.

Since you inherited Venus' bed-hopping perspective on romance, you have secret affairs with people with whom you wouldn't be caught dead in public. That's OK with you because you're so vain that you rationalize one night with you will magically improve their miserable lot in life. You long for a meaningful relationship, but anything less than blind agreement from the one you love sends you to bed with the nearest stranger. You don't want a partner; you want a clone. Old Libra couples are easy to spot because of their matching hairdos.

However, you are also capable of pursuing a goal with a single-minded determination that borders on obsession. Your deeply held beliefs set you apart from the rest of the world. Once you learn to avoid the petty jealousies and soap-opera theatrics in which you frequently indulge, you soon learn that no sign alive can distract you from your dreams.

Your philosophy is "Peaceful co-existence." You seek balance and harmony, and see no point in giving in to the ravages of time. You believe in living in the moment versus planning an uncertain future. Let the rest of the world make its demands and take its stands.